Happy New Year!

Tuesday, 1 January 2008

It's strange to think that just a year ago, we were celebrating the new year with my dad. Though he was in a wheelchair and dependent on his bi-pap, we were thankful that he was here with us.

2007 proved to be a long year for us. At times, there was stress balancing work, caregiving, planning a wedding in 5 weeks, planning a funeral, and being on bedrest for 7 weeks; at times, there was laughter as we joked with Dad and his good sense of humor; at times, there was sadness when Dad finally lost his battle to ALS due to respiratory failure, and other friends losing, or coming close to losing, their loved ones; at times, there was anger with the stress of caregiving, dealing with failed relationships, problems with communication, and being in denial; at times there was pain when Dad was having difficulty swallowing and breathing in the final stages of his illness, as well as when I was having contractions in the wee hours of morning and then delivering Chase naturally without any drugs; at times, there was elation, when the contractions were finally over, and when Chase arrived healthy; at times, there was happiness, when Chris and I got married, and my dad was able to be there by my side, with my brother pushing him down the aisle; friends getting engaged, married, and having babies; and now with Chase, my sweet baby, who looks into my eyes when I talk to him and sing to him, and simply makes us smile each day.

"What a year it's been," Chris said at 11:50 pm tonight.

Yes, indeed. It's been quite a year. It's been a roller coaster, to say the least. But, Chase brings me joy that I never imagined. Having him and Chris in my life has made it easier to cope with the loss of my dad. I remember the day I showed Dad my first ultrasound picture. He told me, "You know you have to have this baby no matter what...You're not getting any younger." (with a chuckle of course) And even though he tried to hold on, I think he knew his body wouldn't make it. He knew we would have lots of pictures to share with Chase, lots of stories and lots of laughter. He raised my brother and I well, and knew that we will do fine with our own children. He would want us to go with the flow, enjoy life, and live each day to its fullest. That's why I named Chase after him, to capture who my dad was and who I hope Chase will grow to admire. So, with that, we enter 2008, a new year full of new challenges and new joys, but hopefully one filled with more happiness than sorrow. I know Dad is watching, and he would want us to live no other way.

May 2008 bring good health, joy, love and happiness to everyone out there. Happy New Year!